


Roses Are Red, Violets Are Fuck You

by monthadog (mysteriousMonarch)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Black Romance, Humanstuck, M/M, flowershop au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 19:23:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7544902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysteriousMonarch/pseuds/monthadog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every Monday morning before work Eridan stops by a local flower shop for a bouquet of flowers to dress up his lifeless office.  On one particular Monday morning his simple routine is thrown out of whack when the shop owner who knows Eridan's usual order is absent and his unprofessional son is there in his place.  Eridan soon realizes that he does not have the patience required to put up with this Sollux kid even if he is kind of attractive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roses Are Red, Violets Are Fuck You

**Author's Note:**

> This was requested by an Anon on tumblr and is based on this post:  
>  http://monthadog.tumblr.com/post/146418254095/flower-shop-au
> 
> I would also like to point out that I am not a florist nor do I know much about flora so this is all based on minimal research and information given in aforementioned tumblr post.

He had been coming by the flower shop every Monday for about two months now. Ever since he had finally given in and accepted his father’s offer of a low-level secretary position at his company. The last thing he had wanted to do was go work for his father but he also wanted to be able to continue paying his rent. The job wasn’t even that bad really. It was easy enough to handle and he got weekends off which was a plus. The only thing Eridan really had a problem with, other than the fact that his boss was his father, was that the room he worked in had no windows. This was why a stop at the flower shop down the road from his office had been adapted into his morning routine on Mondays. He liked to keep a fresh bouquet of flowers on his desk to add some life to the four white walls he was trapped inside for eight hours a day, five days a week.

Eridan entered the quaint little flower shop one Monday morning at his usual time and marched directly up to the counter. He had expected to find Simon, the man who owned the shop and looked to be around his father’s age, behind the counter setting up the displays for the day. Instead he was greeted by no one when he approached. He looked around but didn’t see any signs of life so he leaned over the counter a bit to call out into the back room.

“Hello? Simon are you in here?” he asked. A moment later a younger guy, he looked to be around Eridan’s age, came through the door to stand behind the counter. He closely resembled the shop owner with his sharp angular features and messy black hair, except this kid had an eyebrow ring and an expression on his face that let anyone know he’d rather be anywhere but behind that counter. Eridan looked at the kid and frowned. “Where’s Simon?”

“Not here,” the guy answered in a bored tone. “Can I help you?”

“What do you mean he’s not here?” Eridan demanded. “He’s always here.”

“Well right now I’m here,” the guy answered and leaned against the wall. “So are you going to buy something or not?” He looked Eridan over critically, judgment written all over his face and Eridan suddenly felt self conscious in his suit and tie standing in the middle of a flower shop at seven forty five in the morning. 

“I always just get whatever Simon puts together for me considerin’ I know fuck all about flowers,” Eridan said irritably.

“Yeah? Me too,” the guy responded pulling his phone out of his pocket to mess around with.

“You don’t know anythin’ about flowers,” Eridan reiterated flatly. This kid was unbelievable. Eridan tried to find a nametag somewhere on the apron that hung loosely over the guy’s worn out Zelda tee shirt but found nothing. What an unprofessional prick.

“Not really,” he said without looking up form his phone.

“What the fuck are you doin’ workin’ here then?” Eridan asked angrily.

“I need money,” the guy looked up at him and answered like it should have been obvious. Eridan glanced at his watch impatiently.

“Fine, just throw somethin’ together that looks good so I can get the fuck outta here before I’m late,” Eridan told him. The guy put his phone away and rolled his eyes, seemingly irritated that he now had to do work. He had some training making floral arrangements but didn’t remember much about it. It would have helped if he actually thought it was interesting. He looked around at what flowers were available and put a small bouquet together that consisted of yellow roses, yellow daisies, yellow carnations, and some baby’s breath. He wrapped them up and laid them on the counter in front of Eridan. 

“Twenty bucks,” the guy said. Eridan looked down at the arrangement and frowned. It didn’t look anywhere near the quality of the ones Simon put together for him.

“That’s a lot of yellow,” Eridan stated.

“I like yellow,” the guy shrugged. “You said put something together that looks good.”

“Fine,” Eridan huffed reaching into his dress pants pocket to pull out his wallet. He got his wallet open and pulled out a twenty then tossed it onto the counter before picking up the flowers and shoving his wallet back into his pocket. “Thanks,” Eridan grumbled then stormed out of the shop to hurry the rest of the way to his office hoping his father wouldn’t notice that he was running behind.

The following Monday Eridan walked into the flower shop and immediately began scanning the store for Simon. To his dismay the only employee he could find was that insufferable kid he had dealt with the last time. At least the guy was actually doing something other than playing with his phone. Eridan approached his where he stood restocking a shelf of the homemade honey that was also sold at the store.

“Is there anyone else here I can get some service from?” Eridan asked. The guy turned around with a jar of honey in each hand and a smug smirk flickered on his lips when he recognized Eridan from the week before.

“Are you really that much of a hipster that getting coffee in the morning before work is too mainstream for you? Gotta come by and pick up flowers so you can still feel “green” and environmentally friendly while you’re sitting in your corporate wasteland?” the guy, Sollux, Eridan read on the crooked nametag that was now haphazardly pinned on his loose apron, said derisively. Eridan stood in place calmly and blinked.

“Now I see why you were hired here. You must really save a lot of money on irrigation expenses just by havin’ you speak over the plants,” Eridan retorted.

“Oh so you must’ve been hired for your brilliant original ideas,” Sollux shot back and laughed. “Holy fuck, a joke about a lisping person spitting when they speak! How do you come up with comedic gold like that on your own? They must be paying you the big bucks.”

“Could we just move this along?” Eridan frowned. Sollux put the jars of honey he had been holding on the shelf where they belonged then stepped away from the crates of product.

“Right this way, _sir_ ,” Sollux over exaggerated his lisp on the last word and actually managed to spit a little. He led the way up to the counter and Eridan hated to admit that he couldn’t help but notice that the flower shop employee actually had a really nice ass. “What’ll it be?” Sollux asked once he was behind the counter.

“Whatever looks good,” Eridan said. “Not fuckin’ yellow,” he added when he saw Sollux reaching for the yellow daisies again. “I had to look at that overly bright eyesore for an entire week. How about somethin’ purple.” Sollux rolled his eyes and looked at the flowers on hand nearby. Unsatisfied with his options, he excused himself to the back room for a moment. Eridan held up his wrist and checked the time. If he hurried he might still have time to grab some coffee before he had to be in his office.

Sollux returned from the back room carrying an arrangement of red roses, blue Gerber daisies, and green leafy stalks. He laid them on the counter and wrapped them up. “Twenty bucks,” Sollux said to Eridan. 

“I asked for purple.”

“It’s close enough,” Sollux grinned. “Red and blue together make purple. Just use your imagination. That shouldn’t be a problem with you since you’re so good at coming up with original insults.” Eridan scowled and angrily flipped a twenty-dollar bill out of his wallet and onto the counter. He took his flowers without saying anything else because he was still hoping to make it in time to get coffee before work. The last thing he heard when leaving the shop with his middle finger held up high was Sollux’s laughter mixed with the sound of the bell attached to the door.

The next Monday Eridan returned to the flower shop and saw Sollux stocking the shelves of honey again. He sighed and was about to walk over to him to get him to make his flower arrangement for the week when a voice got his attention.

“Good morning, Eridan,” Simon greeted him from behind the counter. Sollux looked up as well and saw Eridan standing by the door. His pierced brow was lifted in intrigue and Eridan flashed him a self-satisfied smirk then walked up to the counter.

“Mornin’ Simon. It’s good to see you back,” Eridan said loud enough to be sure that Sollux would hear it. Simon laughed good-naturedly.

“Glad to hear that. You here for your usual?” Simon asked. Eridan nodded but before Simon could get started on the arrangement Sollux stepped in.

“Hey dad? I’ll take care of this. Can you check on the bees in hive three?” Sollux spoke up.

"Alright sure. See you around, Eridan,” Simon said then went into the back where the beehives were kept.

“Dad?” Eridan questioned in shock.

“Oh yeah, hadn’t I mentioned? Simon is my dad,” Sollux said with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Nepotism strikes again,” Eridan muttered.

“What was that?” Sollux asked knowing full well what Eridan had said.

“Nothin’,” Eridan snapped.

“Really? Because to me it sounded like you might’ve been telling me about how you’ve only got your cozy office job because of your dad,” Sollux could barely contain his laughter. Eridan glared daggers at the other man.

“Shut the fuck up. It’s only temporary until I can find somethin’ else. At least I’m actually good at what my father’s got me doin’. You can’t arrange flowers worth a shit,” Eridan said angrily.

“Oh this gig’s only temporary too, Sweetheart,” Sollux crossed his arms and leaned against the wall casually. “And I suck at flowers because I’m only here to take care of the bees. What’s your dad got you doing? Answering phones and getting coffee for people?” Sollux scoffed.

“It’s none a’ your fuckin’ business what I do at my job,” Eridan felt his face flush slightly with embarrassment over how accurate Sollux had been about his job description. “Just make me one a’ your piece a’ shit flower arrangements so I can get the fuck outta here.”

“No problem, ED,” Sollux said.

“Don’t do that,” Eridan told him sharply.

“Don’t’ do what?” Sollux asked innocently. 

“Don’t start callin’ me by some asinine nickname.” Sollux just laughed before going through the doorway to the back room to start working on Eridan’s arrangement. He returned a few minutes later with a beautiful assortment of flowers ranging in color from light purple to dark blue.

“Wow, that actually looks pretty decent,” Eridan remarked. “It’s even the right color. I’m impressed.”

“Dad helped me put it together so of course it looks good,” Sollux told him setting it down on the counter. Eridan pulled out a twenty-dollar bill and handed it over to Sollux then took the flowers off the counter.

“See ya’,” Eridan said turning to leave the store.

“Enjoy the flowers,” Sollux told him.

Eridan made it to his office on time and placed his new flowers in the vase on his desk. He noticed a paper had been placed on his desk with a sticky not on top that said “make 50 copies”. He sighed and picked up the paper to take it to the copier room. While he was gone his father stopped by his office to make sure he had seen the message to make the copies. The businessman found his son’s office to be empty with the paper missing. He noticed the new assortment of flowers on the desk and got closer to them for a better look. A name card was wedged into the flowers so the elder Ampora pulled it out to read it. The card read: “To the sexy piece of ass that answers the phones”. The man frowned.

“Oh hello Father. I just made those copies you wanted,” Eridan said when he got back to his office and found his dad standing there. He held out the stack of papers for him to take but Adrian Ampora made no move to take them.

“What is the meanin’ a’ this?” he demanded holding out the card. “Did someone from this office send you this?”

“What are you talkin’ about?” Eridan asked in confusion and took the card. “You know I always-,” he couldn’t bring himself to remember how to finish that sentence once he had read what was scrawled on the card in messy handwriting.

Eridan had never been to the flower shop two days in a row until he stormed up to the counter Tuesday morning catching Simon off guard with his unexpected presence. “How do I passive- aggressively say fuck you in flower?” he demanded. Simon took a moment to process Eridan’s words then furrowed his brow.

“Well let’s see,” the older man said as he actually gave the request some serious thought. “You could use geraniums which are thought to mean stupidity, foxglove for insincerity…” he trailed off while he considered his knowledge of plant meanings. “Orange lilies are a sign of hatred. Meadowsweet symbolizes uselessness and yellow carnations could mean someone has disappointed you. Actually that all would look very nice put together,” he said thoughtfully.

“Good,” Eridan spat and slapped a twenty-dollar bill on the counter. “If you could put all that together and give it to your son for me that would be great. Oh, and on the card if you could write “shove it up your ass” that would be even better.” Simon looked incredibly surprised by this and opened his mouth to question it when Sollux stepped out from the back room.

“That’s so sweet, ED. You’re sending me flowers?” Sollux teased. “Just to let you know, I’m more of a chocolates kind of guy.” Simon closed his mouth and disregarded any questions he might have had deciding it would probably be best not to get involved. 

“You know my father was the one that found your little note yesterday,” Eridan told Sollux angrily. “Do you know how fuckin’ embarrassin’ that was?”

“No idea, why don’t you tell me in detail,” Sollux grinned and leaned on the counter.

“You’re a fuckin’ asshole you know that?” Eridan accused leaning over the counter for his words to have more effect.

“Yeah I get that a lot,” Sollux laughed. “But you must understand then, because I’m sure you do too, right?” Eridan remained silent and glared at the other man. Neither of them were exactly sure what really happened next all they knew was their mouths were suddenly connected over the counter for a few messy seconds and then they were pulling apart.

When Eridan left the flower shop that Tuesday morning to head to work he was still confused about what exactly was going on. All he knew was that he was supposed to pick Sollux up Friday night to go out for drinks and he had never been more turned on or frustrated by another human being. At least he knew to bring chocolates for his first date instead of flowers.


End file.
